


How do I cope?

by PeKaNo



Category: The Owl House (Cartoon)
Genre: Cute, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:55:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23384122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeKaNo/pseuds/PeKaNo
Summary: Amity now has this Azura book and doesn't know how to react.Takes place after Lost in Language (S01E07).
Relationships: Amity Blight/Luz Noceda
Comments: 7
Kudos: 201





	How do I cope?

**Author's Note:**

> I’m sorry, I’m far from being fluent in english, and I lack vocabulary, so this will probably not be a masterpiece. But you know, sometimes you just have to write the story that’s in your mind, and it’s exactly what I did there.

Amity was lying in her bed, turned towards the Azura book that Luz had just given to her. With an empty gaze on her face, she was trying to figure out why Luz had been so nice to her earlier. Seriously! So far, their relationship hadn’t been –let’s be honest here– the friendliest one, but against all odds Luz had been surprisingly sympathetic with her earlier.

This had left Amity totally confused, and as soon as she had gotten back home she went straight up to her room to lie down and think. Hopefully, Ed and Em weren’t around, so she didn’t have to get through their stupid teasings. Those would get worse for a moment after what happened in the library.

Amity looked at the book once again, and saw the cover depicting Azura and her rival in a pose that suggested a new friendship. Friends. Amity was lost at this point, and she needed to figure out the answer to that precise question: was Luz her friend or not?

Thinking about all their encounters, Amity quickly realized that she had been a jerk every single time. Worse than that, Luz had clearly never tried to harm her directly, she had always been somewhat nice to Amity. So why was Amity being so mean?

Realizing that, Amity started to feel a small pain in her chest, as if it was being pushed from all sides. She let her mind wander and started to relive every moment when she had been a jerk to someone for no particular reason. And gosh these were a lot of moments.

Actually, it wasn’t always ‘for no reason’. Most of the time, it was because Amity was afraid of something that _ could _ happen, or because something not-so-nice had already happened. But were those good reasons to be mean? No, definitely not.

Amity flipped over to shove her face into her pillow. The small ache in her chest had continued to grow, and it was now too much for her. She tried to stop thinking, stop thinking about her being unkind, but it didn’t turn off the flow of negative feelings that was now overwhelming. Her throat was suddenly so dry, and she had the weird desire to strongly hug something, anything. As she dove even more into the pillow, she felt a few tears leave her eyes. She cried silently in her bed for a long time.

***

Amity barely ate the day that followed. She didn’t even hang out with her friends after school like she usually did. Somehow, even though Amity was clearly not doing well, none of them tried to bring emotional support. Most of the time she didn’t have negative thoughts, it was just her global mood that was down. However, what she had realized the previous day kept being brought back to her mind every couple of hours, and it clearly didn’t help.

Every time, she had to go again through what she had already lived plenty of times; and it somehow felt more and more painful. She couldn’t stop thinking about her behavior, about the way she treated people, about the way she treated Luz.

The problem was that she wasn’t in her room, able to cry in her pillow to evacuate her sadness. She was at school, and showing any signs of weakness was out of the question. The only thing she could do was to try isolating herself from the world, until the need to cry became low enough for her to have social interactions without experiencing a nervous breakdown.

After getting back home, Amity realized that this wouldn’t easily go away. Even if she stopped thinking about it, she would still be in that gloomy state of mind, and she didn’t know how to put an end to it. And as she had predicted; the days that followed didn’t go any better.

Everytime she woke up, she was sad, and that feeling dragged on through the whole day. The only respite she had was when she was doing stuff asking a lot of concentration, which happened mostly at school in spell classes. Unconsciously, and in order to avoid any more mental damage, Amity started to focus more and more on every little thing she could find. It was the only relief she had. It didn’t help with her relationships however, and without realizing she had almost totally stopped talking with any of her friends. Amity stayed in that difficult stance for more than a week. She was really not feeling well, and even Boscha had acknowledged it, even though she tried nothing to help.

That wednesday, Amity was walking home from school. It had been a pretty normal day, at least compared to the ones that preceded it. She was not paying much attention to her surroundings, and actually she was in one of those really mentally painful moments, so she was trying to hurry in order to reach the privacy of her room as fast as possible. That’s when a blinking light caught her attention. It was at her left, a few steps ahead from her. It took her a few seconds, a few  _ steps _ , to realize where that blink was coming from.

Eda’s booth.

As soon as that information hit her mind, she started panicking. Luz was the last person she wanted to see right now, and she hoped with all her heart that it was only Eda selling her stuff today. Knowing that stopping her walk or turning around would bring unwanted attention to her, Amity tried to be very small and kept walking.

4 steps, 10 steps, 15 steps. She had already passed the booth, and was almost completely hidden from it, behind the other passers-by.

But something suddenly grabbed her wrist. Her heart skipped a bit, and she silently begged that it was just a stranger trying to give her back a coin that had fallen out of her pocket.

-Wait, Amity! she heard coming from behind her. 

It was Luz’s voice. Totally freaking out, Amity lost control of herself and didn’t really understand what happened after this. Once she got herself back together, she was next to Eda’s booth, near the street wall, and Luz was facing her.

-How are you? It’s been a while!

Luz clearly had no idea what Amity had been through these past days. She was joyful as always, and it ticked Amity off a little.

-I don’t really have time right now, Amity said. I’m kinda in a hurry.

-Come on, just a few minutes! I just wanted to apologize about, you know, last time…

-It’s cool, I’m over it.

Amity really wanted to cut the conversation short. Even if she had managed to stay pretty normal until now, she was not sure she could hold up for long. Her chest was already torn apart with feelings of sadness and anger.

-I acted like a jerk, and worst of all I helped Emira and Edric teasing you. I have been regretting it since then, and I really need to apologize once again.

-Please just let me go, answered Amity. I don’t want to talk to you right now.

It was not visible yet, but Amity was already feeling her eyes getting wet. She had to leave as fast as possible.

-You know you’re not making this easy, said Luz half-jokingly.

Amity had no choice but to cover her tears with anger. She simply let it out, hoping it would take precedence over her sadness.

-You’re just a bully!

-W… what? answered Luz, trying to process what Amity had just said.

-I didn’t know humans were this mean.

Amity instantly blamed herself for what she had just said. She had been mourning over her pettiness towards Luz all week, but here she was, doing the same mistakes again.

-I really wish you hadn’t came in my life, Amity continued.

‘Why am I so mean again?’

-A… Amity… I really didn’t want to-

-Just leave me alone! Amity shouted, taking a couple of steps back.

‘I’m sorry Luz.’

-No wonder why Willow hates you if you can’t even take simple apologies, said Luz nastily.

Luz instantly put her hands in front of her mouth, her eyes widened. But Amity didn’t notice that. Amity was still processing what was just said. Amity was trying in vain to keep these words from hurting her, because they had hit very hard. Too hard.

Feeling tears come into her eyes, she panicked again, this time losing the tiny bits of confidence she had left, and ran away.

***

This confrontation didn’t help Amity. Worse, it only made her more depressed and miserable. She didn’t even go to school the day that followed, and instead stayed on her bed for hours. She sobbed through most of it, sometimes with heavy tears coming from her eyes, sometimes with a dry sensation in the back of her throat, having no more tears to release.

Even though she tried to sleep to escape this emotional maelstrom, it only gave her more supplice and pain. There was no escape, and her only hope was that it would go away with time. Still, after hours of struggle, she decided she might as well go take some fresh air; maybe it would help clear her mind.

It was around 7:30 when Amity left her house. The sun was still up in the sky, probably for a couple more hours, sending a slightly red light from the west side of the Boiling Isles. But even with these settings, Amity couldn’t see any beauty in her surroundings. She only saw the darkness inside her, twisting her heart like a sponge. She had stopped crying before leaving her house, mostly because she ran out of tears, but also because she tried to at least not look like a fool to anyone on her way.

With no precise destination, Amity walked, she walked for a long time. Seeing her head down, it was obvious that something was odd, but no one asked her – not that it was something she wanted. Eventually, she ended up walking in a field, grass reaching her ankles, along a small path, and at some point she arrived on top of a hill. That’s where she stopped, suddenly realizing how far she had gone since she had left her house.

Amity could see the whole city pretty clearly from where she was, and she decided to sit down for a moment. Maybe the view would alter her train of thought. Arms on her knees, she tried to focus on her environment. The setting sun’s warmth on her skin, the tiny breeze that made her hair wave, the discreet buzzing of working bees, and all the other noises around her. If only she wasn’t this sad, she could have experienced it more cheerfully. If she wasn’t sad… This simple thought made her dive in her sorrows again. The everlasting bitter feeling made room for an harsher one, and tears quickly came into her eyes.

What did she expect anyway? She obviously was broken, messed up. She  _ had  _ messed up, and it was only right to pay for it. Why even try to hold it? Since no one was around, Amity cried openly, more loudly than ever, because not even her siblings could hear her. After losing her train of thoughts for a little while, she realized that everything was better when she was still a naive girl bullying others with no sense of consequences. She wished that she hadn’t come to this realization, she wished she could go two weeks back, when nothing mattered. When no one mattered.

Amity cried for a few more minutes, but surprisingly she stopped earlier than usual, probably because she didn’t hold back. Her eyes still red and her face wet, she was about to get up when she heard footsteps coming from behind her.

She instantly panicked, too ashamed of that instant of weakness, and shoved her face into her arms, to both dry it off and hide it.

‘Don’t look, just don’t move, they’ll probably understand and leave’. Amity had stopped hearing the footsteps, meaning that whoever was behind her was probably standing still. The thought of them being someone from her school, or worse, one of her siblings, made her wish she could disappear completely.

But she couldn’t, and while she was still mentally panicking, the footsteps resumed, growing louder and louder as the stranger came towards her. They didn’t speak a single word, and Amity truly had no clue about who was behind her. Surprisingly, the person didn’t come in front of her like she would have guessed, and instead they just sat in the grass, approximately one meter away from Amity from what she could tell with the noise.

Too scared to watch, Amity simply kept her head buried in her arms, silently praying for the person to leave before they saw what state she was on.

-Hi Amity! she heard.

‘This couldn’t have been worse’ she thought, instantly realizing it was Luz’s voice, the specific person that haunted her mind. Still totally freaked out, Amity didn’t know what to do. But she had to do something, and quick, before Luz saw her current state.

-Please just leave, she answered with a crackling voice, trying as best as she could to hide how emotionally broken she was.

-Are you sure you’re okay? You seem troubled, Luz said naively. I saw you walking up the hill and I thought maybe you needed someone to talk to. This is the place where I come when I need to breathe.

-Leave me alone! Amity half-shouted, afraid that she would tear up in front of her.

-Listen, I’m not here to make fun of you, really, Luz answered, apparently not bothered by the aggressive tone Amity had just used.

Amity still had her face buried in her arms. Part of herself knew that Luz wasn’t here to hurt her. But she was too afraid to talk to someone. Not right now, not with Luz.

-Please.

Suddenly, Amity heard Luz starting to move. At first she thought that she was leaving, but instead she moved closer to Amity, and put a hand on her shoulder.

-I don’t know what happened to you, and if you don’t want to tell me it’s okay, but I hate seeing my friends like this.

‘Friends’. Did Luz just call Amity a friend? After the short span of surprise, Amity realized that it was even more depressing knowing that she treated someone who considered her as a friend the way she did.

The panic almost made Amity scream to Luz, tell her to fuck off, shout at her until she leaved. But in a moment of lucidity, she realized that it would only bring more harm, exactly like their previous encounter. Amity gathered all her courage to launch what she thought was impossible.

-It’s just that… she started. I-I’m sorry for being so mean.

As she finished the sentence, she tried to hide her head even deeper in her arms. A weird feeling was slowly growing in her. Was it relief? Reassurance? Anyways, she felt, deep inside her, that something had changed with that sentence. She couldn’t tell what, but it was like a big weight had been lifted from her. Even the sun felt somewhat warmer on her skin now.

-It’s fine, Luz replied. I know you didn’t mean it.

Before Amity even realized what was happening, Luz’s hand had quit her shoulder, and grabbed the other one, pulling Amity towards her. When their shoulders touched, with Luz’s arm enfolding Amity’s neck, for the first time Amity felt like she wasn’t alone. Well, maybe not the first time, but she had totally forgotten this feeling.

Amity raised her head a little, and shyly looked at Luz.

-Really? she asked, still fearing Luz’s resentment.

-Really, Luz answered, briefly bending on Amity to give her a quick, tight hug.

They stayed sitting on the hill silently for a few minutes. Amity had stopped crying and eventually she even let her head fall on Luz’s shoulder. Was it really that easy all this time? Amity quickly put an end to her doubtful thoughts. It didn’t matter. She was here, on this beautiful hill, with Luz, and they weren’t mad at each other. She wasn’t trying to run away or hide anything from her.

The sun was now very low in the sky, almost touching the horizon. The few clouds were enlightened by a strong orange, while the sky behind had shades varying from yellow to bluish pink. As Amity was watching the sunset, with Luz still snuggled up against her, a small and timid smile took shape on her face.

-Thanks, she finally said.

After a few more minutes, still in the same position, Luz started talking again. Maybe she wasn’t as comfortable as she looked with the discussion they just had, or maybe she just wanted to talk about casual things with Amity.

-Gosh you have no idea how cool it looks around here. I wish I could spend the rest of my life in your world, I would never get bored of it.

It made Amity burst out a little laugh. Seeing Luz dreaming was very cute and kind of inspirational.

-I’ve lived here my whole life, Amity answered. I don’t have anything to compare with.

-Hmmm…

Amity slightly turned her head to look at Luz. She was still gazing towards the horizon, probably lost in her thoughts. From Amity’s point of view, her little nose, her mouth slightly opened, her round and dark earrings, everything looked cute and pretty. Amity slightly blushed when she realized what she was doing. She never had the occasion to look at Luz from this close, with a relaxed mind, and Luz’s grasp on her shoulder didn’t really help her think of anything else. Slowly, without realizing it, she moved closer to Luz’s face, and pecked her lightly on the corner of her lips.

Luz’s eyes widened as she started processing what had just happened, and Amity instantly regretted it. ‘Why have I done that?’ She started panicking again. Everything was blurry, and her mind was halfway between shame and the comfort left from a few seconds ago.

-I’m sorry! Amity said really fast. I didn’t mean to.

She couldn’t stay here, not after what she had just done. Amity put her hand on the ground and stood up, instantly starting to walk away…

If Luz’s hand hadn’t grabbed her wrist.

-I’ve let you run away once, I won't let you do it twice, she said, looking at Amity with a doubtful face. I-I…

-It’s my fault, really. I don’t know why I did that, Amity interrupted her.

-Listen. I may be naive sometimes, but I can perfectly understand what I see. And… the face you were making, right before you… I know what it means.

Luz went silent for a couple of seconds. Amity was too embarrassed to say anything, so she looked down and she saw that Luz was still holding her wrist, which made her blush a little. Luz’s face was still thoughtful when she resumed her monologue.

-I..I didn’t know you felt that way. I couldn’t guess. But you should not fear to feel something more than friendship towards someone. These things happen sometimes.

Luz got up to face Amity at the same height, while still holding her wrist, apparently fearing that Amity would run away if she had let it go.

-Yet I shouldn’t have kissed you, Amity argued.

-Well, that was definitely bold of you. But you know…

Luz paused once again in the middle of her sentence. The undecided look on her face slowly faded away and got replaced by a new, more happy one. While Amity was watching Luz’s expression change, she felt her wrist finally getting released. But soon after, Luz’s hand softly touched Amity’s palm. Her cheeks went scarlet red almost instantly, and it didn’t get better when Luz intertwined her fingers with Amity’s. Luz was looking down, seemingly not totally aware of what her hand just did, and she said:

-I don’t regret you doing… this. It made me think about, well… us? And…

Amity was mind blown by what Luz was saying. Was she misunderstanding? But then Luz took a step towards Amity, and before Amity could realize what was happening, Luz started to kiss her. It was an undecided kiss, and at first Amity’s eyes widened from the surprise, contrasting with Luz closed eyes. But after she processed what was going on, she closed her eyes too and let herself dive into the kiss, confirming to Luz that her feelings were shared.

***

On top of a hill, two girls were tenderly kissing each other. They were surrounded by the lights of the setting sun, by the flowers of the meadow, and their hairs were moving gently because of the breeze. This would have made a cool painting.

**Author's Note:**

> I truly didn't know how to properly end this, so I tried my best to do something that at least half-convinced me? It was way harder than I thought it would be.  
> If you have any constructive criticism about the fic, I would gladly hear it from you because I really need to improve >.<


End file.
